Overcoming - Letting Go #2

MissYs Merch Link

There's way more to Letting Go than the obvious. Up until recently, I honestly thought that if I could just go long enough without giving my energy to a certain situation, I was over it. Well, when 
something has affected your soul in a deep way (relationships, kids, religion, etc.) due to being hurt, it most likely has caused and left residual effects of damage. In some cases, this is where some form, whether big or small, of mental distraction comes into play. Sadly, most of us never realize or even acknowledge it as such. 

If an experience you had hurts so deeply that it begins to affect your daily activities, then it is not normal. Come on, we've all seen the movie "Acrimony," right? Well, if not, you should go and watch it. I'm pretty sure on some level you can say that you've experienced at least one (most likely more) of those same situations. Whether it was done by you, toward you directly, or you watched (experienced) it done to someone else. The scenes in that movie explain how there are consequences to doing things that other people "made me do" as my reaction to what they did to me first. Take a second and read that part again..... Now, I can understand a heat-of-the-moment argument here and there. I even understand being hurt for a few days over a situation. But when something hurt you months ago and you can't stop calling (harassing), you can't stop searching their social media (thus creating jealousy), you can't help but dig for information about someone (after they hurt you-now performing the malicious activity), you await their downfall or seek revenge, or maybe even continuously cry, etc., then you need to stop and take a deep breath because its time to Let Go.

Through my experiences, I've learned that - For Me, the only way I can fully Let Go of something that has deeply affected me is by coming to the understanding that "everything happens for a reason". We have been saying and hearing that forever but it honestly holds so much Truth. We also say, after some level of achievement that "I wouldn't change a thing I went through because it made me who I am today". But, do we really believe and live that? I challenge you to sit down with your hurts and put aside the disappointment part for just a second. Instead, point out what you learned from that situation... Then, look where that type of incident came up again and you had that lesson you learned from before (that prior hurt) to guide you now. This is only one way to describe how all experiences can be used for our growth/development. It's all helping you get to where you're going and to aid in your life's purpose!

So, how do you really come to that? Well, that "ah ha" or "wow, I finally got it" moment is different for everyone. But for everyone, the same goal of freedom is desired. I can only give my personal experience. 

I had a problem, with disconnecting from my personal items. That issue developed for me as a teenager due to moving/relocating so much as a child. From my preteen years, I adapted (well) to living a military household lifestyle which required relocation and many school changes.  Before that, it was just my Mom and I and we moved around as needed to maintain our stability. Starting in my late teens, I grew a fear of having to leave my stuff behind. As an adult, it developed to where I didn't want people to touch my stuff and deeply didn't like to share. It carried over to my career as a Hair Stylist and spread to include my salon space as well. This over time grew to become an OCD characteristic I developed/obtained making sure everything is always in its place (so nothing gets lost). This, of course eventually spilled over to my parenting. I didn't want other people's kids to touch my children's stuff (like toys). I also (in fear that they'd lose something) expect their things to be perfectly kept in place. This was obviously handing down and training them to carry MY issues and insecurities. 

That might seem minor but it's exactly how it starts. Be honest with yourself. Think back, and discover what the experience was that actually triggered your fear. This will aid in your process to begin to Let Go. For example, as we can see for this one issue I had of attachment to my things I had to go way back to childhood to recognize the initiation of the problem. For me, the actual reason I held this law throughout my life (that things must be organized and perfectly placed) didn't even still apply to my current lifestyle. So, why still be scared to Let Go?

Let - to not prevent or forbid; to  allow

Go - to move from one place to another

"One thing consistent in life is Change." Change is something we shouldn't fear. In the same way that we have seasons, aging, time,  and growth stages we have Life Changes too. To truly Let Go (for me) is to extinguish the burn of that pain by acknowledging (feeling inside) that all of my experiences lead to my greater good. Honestly, making this change came kind of late in life for me. It wasn't until my life became calm, that I fell in love and started to deeply work on myself that allowed me the space for this change. By working on my true self I started letting go of some lifelong Habits. I believe this is what possibly cleared the space for me to feel that deep-down abandoned emotion of attachment. 

We acquire Habits to numb the pain, cover the noise, and help our minds not think about certain ("bad") emotions/experiences. From the coffee overload to cigarettes, unnecessary company (sexually), and the list can go on and on. Sometimes leading us to perform bad actions toward others or even dwell obsessively on religion for comfort. Even simple repeated daily activities are often overlooked regarding attachments. Simple things, for example, coffee are easy to overlook. Research from Villanova University states that caffeine is an addictive drug that operates using the same brain pathways as other major drugs (cocaine, heroin, & more - www1.villanova.edu). They also state that if you feel like you cannot function without it and must consume it every day, then you are addicted to caffeine."- so try to recognize any daily habitual/addictive behavior. These attachments trick and can translate in our mind to equal Overcoming. But what they really do is block the censors and nerves in the body allowing the temporary sensation of relief....but yes, that pain is still there! It's there hiding underneath that temporary satisfaction. We need to have time to quiet our minds without the attachment of a Habit. That is where the healing process can begin. Be quiet, feel the hurt, then find the lesson that the experience taught you, and Let It Go!

I must admit, the idea of experiencing the same thing again if I let my guard down kept me in fear of letting things go. I worried that I would encounter the same hurt as before. Even the excuse of "I don't want my kids to go through that" or " I don't want things to get worse and cause more damage" had kept me bound. I've since learned that holding on to hurt does not control what others will do. I can not control someone else's actions towards me. I can only control my own. We must do our best to re-categorize hurt, pain, heartbreak, and all the "negative" emotions. Let's Let Go of letting past hurt ruin our Future. Control our own decision to Grow from the dirt, Take the lesson, and Use it as a guide in the future. 

If your past pain has hurt you to the level of Habits creating Addiction or  Drug Abuse then PLEASE call The National Drug Helpline at 1-888-633-3239 BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

-Always Overcoming

Click Here For eBooks & Journals