Overcoming - Fear of Quitting #4

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Break The Cycle!

     Go ahead and just do it! If you allow me, then I can save you some precious time. It sometimes took me giving a situation several tries and many chances, causing deep hurt and regret along the way, to go ahead and call it quits. As I look back, I've even had a few years go by before I made the decision that this is enough. So, today I can tell you that wasting all that time and succumbing to situations that you know are not healthy for you is not necessary.

     From my experience, I can assure you that once I had decided my previous marriage was enough, I was definite. What took me so long to finally Break The Cycle (3 years later) was the worry of what others would think. The worry that maybe I didn't try hard enough, and all that self-doubt was widely in my way. I even had someone tell me that the woman is supposed to do what's necessary for the children to have their parents together, regardless of our feelings, because that's the necessary sacrifice. Sometimes I think people are so afraid of being blamed for the relationship ending that we can start to do things just to make the other person want to leave first. Honestly, you don't need the approval or opinions of others to do what's in your heart.

      Maintaining Peace of Mind needs to be your first priority. Breaking old habits is a beneficial way to achieve this peace. In most cases, doing this may lead to people misunderstanding you. You must really desire true inner peace and stay consistent with your decision, which may cause you to hold your tongue. Allowing your source (God, Spirit, Energy, etc.) to run its course, and it either being turned around for good or becoming a lesson. We must stop/quit the same behavior even if we think/assume it is helpful. Thus, really trusting your intuition or source. Let me explain the last line.

       So, in the part where I said you must stop/quit the same behavior even if you think/assume it is being helpful. I know it might sound strange, but it took me until recently to realize that some behaviors that I was doing in the name of "help" weren't being received as such. Basically, the things that I was doing to be helpful were being perceived by others as being bossy. Therefore, it was unwanted. That is a scary place to be in. Especially if being bossy wasn't your intention. I've been teaching my oldest son about this. Even if you do something as a joke, or helpful if it is constantly not being perceived the way that you intended it then it becomes an unwanted behavior and eventually damaging to the person on the receiving end. So, if you really want to connect with your true self, then even those little intricate parts of us have to be checked.

Now, I won't lie and tell you that breaking a cycle is easy and fun all the time. When I decided to finally end a situation, that sometimes meant that anything they chose to say or the lies spread about me were just going to have to sit there and simmer. I had to let what people had to say just run because if I tried to correct what was said, then I'd look up and be right in the middle of the BS. This turned out to actually be easy, even though before I tried it was a daunting task. How can you just sit still while lies about you are just running rapidly? Well, I just had to get to a point where my peace of mind was more important than not only what anyone says, but it's more important than what anyone believes, too.

How exactly do you break the cycle, you ask? Well, like I often say, it may vary from person to person, but I can only give you my opinion from my own personal experience.

For me, breaking the cycle meant that when the same behavior was displayed to me (like it was so many times before), I had to respond differently than I did all the previous times. Even though my usual response was nice, it always ended me back up in what felt like the trap I kept wanting to leave. I had to change my "nice" response of open arms and acceptance to really standing up for myself and saying no anymore. I look around and see so many examples of couples (mainly older than I) that are miserable but just use the excuse "That's just how they are". In my opinion, settling for that is an outdated way of thinking. The many excuses for why you should settle for these unwanted, hurtful, and most times damaging experiences. I personally try my best to live by the 3 strikes rule. I used to have a hard time drawing the line and knowing when to call it quits. And, this is not only a rule I use for intimate relationships, but in life in general. I use it with family, staff, employees, and even the kids. It works for me by allowing me the natural feelings I have to forgive, but it shows me the line to look out for. I will forgive openly with no judgment or changes toward a person. But, 3 strikes and you're out. After the 3rd time, I have to then reevaluate the relationship and make the necessary changes. Whether there needs to be immediate detachment, or I need to just keep you at a distance for a while, or I'll adjust to whatever the case may be.

    My whole point of all this is to just remind someone out there to not be afraid to do what's best for YOU. Even though they may want you to believe so, there is No One in the world who knows what is best for your path except you. You were born with everything that you need right inside of you. In your Mind, your Conscience, your Soul, your Heart.
These are all places of you that no one can reach unless you let them. But, if you give someone access to these areas and they do more harm than heal, It Is Perfectly Okay To Call It Quits!

-Always Overcoming

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